WHEN (IF EVER), IS IT OKAY TO GIVE UP ON YOUR DREAMS?

For artist, entertainers or anyone with ambitions beyond a dull 9 to 5 will know this question well. Either they have asked it of themselves, or a loved one has brought it up.  The thing is, this question is so personal that there can never be a definitive answer.  But what you can do is evaluate your progress every few years up until the point you’ve made the big time.

Here are some questions I think you should consider:

1. How is your quality of life?

     Since you started pursuing your dream, to the extent that it is a full time job, how do you feel?  If the dream brings you joy, relaxation, or a feeling of solidarity, that is a very good sign.  As long as these endeavors don’t drive you to live out on the street, you’re fine.  Now, if this is starting up a small business, and you have been only breaking even for years and it all feels like the slog of a day job, well, it may be time for a change. Are you not getting enough sleep and feel like you have no free time because of this double life you are leading?  Is there anything you would be happier spending your time and money on?  If so, why not give that a try, devote a month to it at least, maybe that could end up being your true calling. 

     Furthermore, how does all this make other people feel?  Other business partners, your spouse, your family.  Sometimes it is easy for us creatives to forget, the world does not revolve around us.  This brings us to question number two.

(I am never happier, or feel more complete, than when I’m writing, drawing or making movies.  Writing/Directing a feature was one of the most fun and challenging things I’ve done, I’m looking forward to doing it again.)

2. Do you have dependents?

     If you are married with children, the right thing, the adult thing, is to put their needs and quality of life as a higher priority than your own.  As long as your day job puts food on the table and lets you fulfill your job of life, as a spouse, parent, or guardian, go for it, keep on dreaming.

(I am a single guy, for now.  Keep swiping right ladies, I’m here.  No children.)

3. Risk versus Reward

     This dream train you’re riding…. where has it gotten you?  Have you made money?  If you’re a writer, have you been published or produced, won any contest?  Dancers, musicians, comedians, everybody has a way to get affirmation of their talent.  As long as you are out there dedicated, doing your thing consistently, you’ll know, the world will tell you, just take the time to listen.  That being said, I would never suggest to make your decision to keep doing what you love based on what other people think.  It does matter, however, if your goal is to have a career doing this thing you love.  If five years or more have gone by and you have not seen any positive growth, you may be on the wrong track. You can always get off at the next station and take the next train.

(In the last 15 years I have written and directed the suspense movie Cam-Girl, written articles that were published in magazines… back when print magazines and book stores were a thing and I’ve had my first novel published.  I have made money doing what I love, paid writing jobs and royalties from sales of our movie. Perhaps, most important of all, even my day job is in the entertainment field.  So, for the last five years I have made a living entirely by living the dream.  I should also note, that the first 5 years of that, I did not have any of that good news, but I kept at it.  I never gave up and continued to believe in myself.)

4. Plausibility

     This is the easiest example, I like easy, if you want to be a pro athlete and it has not happened by the age of 40…. it’s time to get that desk job.  You can always shoot hoops with your co-workers and tell them about how you almost made it to the big show.  Do you want to be an actor but you cannot get over stage fright?  Do you simply not have enough time to dedicate to your dream no matter how early you get up in the morning? These cases are very rare, but if you find yourself in this position I am truly sorry.  It is surprising how far some people will go to keep living the dream.  Take the late screenwriter Scott Lew as an example.  He had ALS - Lou Gehrig's Disease for the latter part of his career.  He had to use special software that let him write by moving his head to direct a laser pointer at a digital keyboard.  Then an assistant came in to polish the writing.  Scott Lew did not let these major physical hurtles stop him, he adapted to it.  The only bright side is this thing that is holding you back, is totally out of your control.  It’s just life, physical limitations or the weight of time.  Many people who have this happen to them end up teaching or training the next generation to pursue their shared dream.  This way you are still involved with the thing you love, just not in the spotlight.

(Thankfully, I can write as long as my brain still functions.  Former girlfriends make question my brain function now, but that is beside the point.  I plan on maintaining a healthy body and mind for as long as I can.)

     The decision is yours and yours alone.  How you interpret these questions and prioritize your answers is entirely up to you.  It's all personal, that is why I encourage you to find other relevant questions based on your position, your lifestyle.  Please note that these questions are only applicable if you have been doing the work required to reach your ambitious goals, that means it should feel like a second full time job.  A fair estimate is 21 hours a week, you should spend about that much time on it, because I can guarantee other people who have a career in your field did at least that.  If you have not put in the time, that is a strong sign that this is not a dream for you.... it is a hobby.  There is nothing wrong with that at all, hobbies are important, they balance out the stresses of life and if you realize it is a hobby you can relax, spend as much time as you want on these projects without the burden of success.

     Some of you out there, may have read the title here and said, “When is it okay to give up on my dreams? ...... NEVER.”  Good for you, that is a great answer, the kind that often yields results.  If your dream feels like work, instead of a passion, an essential part of your life, it might not be right for you.  Similarly, if you spend more time talking about writing than planting your butt in your chair (or at a standing desk) and writing, or watching other people dance more than you take the dance floor yourself, or listen to music instead of practicing your bars, it's time to get in the game, either that or try being a critic, teacher or assistant in that field.  Why?  Because actions get things moving, otherwise you are standing in place, watching the doers of the world lap you again and again.  We need more doers, join us.    

Curt Wiser is an Artist, writer and filmmaker.  He has written for Indie Slate Magazine and other publications.  His first feature Cam-Girl is available on DVD and Amazon on Demand.  Curt graduated with a BFA in computer animation from the University of Central Florida.